Escort, author and intimacy coach Samantha X explains exactly the kinds of men who visit sex workers – and it’s not always who you think.
Every type of man sees sex workers. Normal, very every day, conservative men. Bosses, husbands, brothers, work colleagues … From tradies to CEOs, bankers to carers, men in wheelchairs to athletes, from 20-80 years old.
What I’ve learnt in my 10 years as an escort is that a) there is no type and b) men are very simple creatures (and I mean that in an endearing way).
In my first book Hooked, I said that the simplicity of men is too complex for women to understand. I also said they are a bit like a puppy chewing your new shoes. They can be naughty, but they can’t help it. I am not saying we should give them leeway if they lie and cheat, but to perhaps understand why they behave the way they do.
I’ve broken the groups of men down that pay for sex workers — in no particular order — and of course, not all men.
THE SEX-STARVED ONES
Whether they are married, or have been single for years, there are the clients that literally book an escort for the physical aspect. I’ve had clients who haven’t had sex for years and years (especially the married ones, to be honest). They want to feel desired by a woman, and they also need that physical release.
THE CUDDLY ONES
I saw the client just the other day for 12 hours and guess what? There was no sex. Not even a bit. Engaged and unhappy, yet didn’t have the guts to end it with his fiancée, he just wanted a cuddle. For 12 hours. I’ve seen many a client who doesn’t give a hoot about sex and is in need of the tender love and touch of a woman in a non-sexual way.
THE ONES THAT WANT TO TALK
No one seems to believe escorts when we say this, but there are men who genuinely just want to talk. I saw one today. He’d lost 50 kgs, and got his confidence back, and wanted to ‘practice’ being in the company of a woman to prepare himself for dating in the real world. Believe it or not, the appointments when it’s purely talking (with the escort purely listening) are absolutely exhausting.
You have to be present and switched on the whole time. Seeing clients is often mentally and emotionally draining far more than it is physically draining. Sex workers often have burnout and need a lot of time off to regroup and concentrate on their mental health, rather than others for a change. I know I do.
Let’s be realistic here, a lot of people do drugs. Men and women. There is the type of man who sees escorts as time out to relax, let their hair down, de-stress by drinking, with a few bags of cocaine, a little man cave if you will, escapism.
Again, these are exhausting clients. All they do is talk 19-to-the-dozen about nothing and end up being really annoying. After a recent job where I had to endure a prominent man bang on for hours about how he goes to rehab and lies about his sobriety and lies to his family about his habits, I decided I absolutely couldn’t see this type of man again.
Plus, I worry they are going to have a heart attack and die on my watch. Media attention I certainly don’t need.
THE ESCORT ADDICTS
Here we have another type of addict. These men get a taste of the ease and thrill of seeing a sex worker and get hooked from day one. They realise pretty quickly it’s no strings attached, no emotional and tricky affair that will ruin their marriage, with both adults knowing exactly what they want from the situation.
And I’ve got bad news for the wives; if you catch them at it, this is typically what happens: they beg for forgiveness, they go to counselling with you, they say it only happened once, and they will never do it again. And in my experience, they wait until the coast is clear, and then they come back. They just can’t help themselves (and it is nothing you are doing wrong either).
We also have the ones that love to show you off on a dinner date (it’s as if they want to get caught), the ones that fall in love with you (been there, done that, got the restraining order) and so it continues. But I’d better go as I have a client arriving soon whose story I don’t yet know.
But I bet my bottom dollar, he fits into the ‘types’ above.
This article originally appeared on Body + Soul and was reproduced here with permission