Relationship Rehab: What ruined my ‘year of sex’

At the beginning of 2020 it seemed like the perfect time to get curious about my sexuality. But fast-forward and I’m desperate to get my mojo back.

Welcome to Relationship Rehab,’s weekly column solving all your romantic problems, no holds barred.

This week, our resident sexologist Isiah McKimmie tackles a woman who lost her sex mojo because of the pandemic, a couple whose relationship is suffering after they moved in together and a wife unsure of how to end her 25-year marriage.


QUESTION: At the beginning of 2020 I labelled it my “Year of sex”. I wanted to make my sex life more interesting and explore my sexuality. As a single 31-year-old, it seemed like the perfect time to get curious about my sexuality. Instead, 2020 turned into my “Year of sitting alone in my front room!” I’ve put on weight and feel like I’ve lost all of the social skills I had to go on dates with strangers, never mind have sex with them. How do I get my mojo back? I really want to make some headway with my sexual exploration but I’m not sure where to start.

ANSWER: If only we could have known at the start of 2020 that all our grand plans would fall through.

Even for the (first) lockdown, most of us imagined this was our chance to learn a new language, read more and partake in various indoor fitness challenges. Some even saw it as an opportunity to get to know people better before meeting IRL. But 2020 wasn’t what any of us expected. It was a particularly difficult year for relationships all around.

You’re not alone in feeling like you’ve forgotten how to date or even socialise. And you’re not alone in carrying some extra ‘Covid kilos’. I’ve had many conversations with friends and clients about how weird we feel in social settings or dating after our period of isolation.

It takes time to feel comfortable dating when you’ve been out of the game for a while, so be gentle on yourself and know it takes time. Reconnect with your friends, say yes to social opportunities and start dating again – you’ll get your mojo back soon enough.

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